Collective wisdom on transitioning loved ones into residential aged care
When a parent begins the move into residential aged care, it can feel like stepping into a maze of emotion, logistics and uncertainty. Whether you're already in the thick of it or quietly dreading what's ahead, you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
In Second 50 we held a beautiful Connection Session on Zoom which brought together Second 50 women at all stages of the journey — some just beginning, others deep in the process, and a few with hard-earned wisdom to share. With the calm and compassionate guidance of Dr Nina Corlett, we explored the emotional and practical sides of aged care, including:
Grief and letting go
Understanding aged care options and finances
Navigating tricky family dynamics
Timing the transition
Choosing the right facility
Women shared deeply personal and varied experiences – from relocating parents to be closer to children and services, being a child on the other side of the world, the complexities of dementia, depression and other chronic conditions, hard lessons learned about family dynamics, the bureaucracy and financial maze.
At the outset, Nina explained that grief is an integral but often unspoken part of both the aged care and dementia journey. It doesn’t just happen at the end of life, but also throughout the transitions and even leading up to it. “There is a lot of grief involved and we need to hold each other gently in these conversations because this is hard,” she said.
Grief can show up in many forms and she listed anticipatory grief, the loss of roles or independence, and the emotional strain on both the person moving into care and their loved ones as common. “It’s so important to name and honour this grief, rather than pushing it aside in the rush of logistics and decision-making,” she said
The detailed summary of our discussions is member-only content, but I’ve captured a few high level insights below, which might help you to feel more informed, supported, and ready to approach this big life transition with more confidence and care.
Recognising grief allows us to move through these transitions with more compassion, clarity and connection. It also helps to remind us that emotional support is just as critical as physical care.
Every experience was unique, but a lot of common challenges and themes – especially in our emotions, frustrations, grief and love.
One of the clearest messages from women who’ve been through this: don’t wait until it’s a crisis. Aged care often ends up in the “too hard basket” until something forces our hand - but by then, choices may be limited. Capacity may be lost. And decisions might be taken out of your hands. The system is slow and complex, so starting early gives you options, and time to make informed choices with love, not panic.
What’s ‘right’ varies based on family dynamics, financial situations and the cognitive and physical health of loved ones. Clear communication, regular family meetings, and in some cases, external mediation (one of the counselling services Nina provides) can help ease tensions and get the best possible outcome.
Giving our loved ones even a small say in the process can make a big and positive difference to the transition. As Nina explained: “The biggest difference I’ve seen in my work in aged care is that when a person has agency in the decision, they adjust better. When the choice is taken from them, whether they have dementia or not, that’s when the real struggle begins.”
Many people feel overwhelmed by the situation and fear of the unknown, so much so that they don’t know what questions to ask. It’s not about having all the answers now but making sure you ask the right questions at the right time.
What this session really drove home is that aged care transitions aren’t just about paperwork, beds and clinical services. They’re about people – our loved ones - and the deep, tangled mix of grief, love, compassion and responsibility that comes with doing the right thing, even when it is deeply uncomfortable.
Having honest conversations with loved ones early means we can make choices with them, rather than for them. “When the person moving into care is involved in the decision, even in small ways, they retain a sense of control. It makes all the difference to their transition,” Nina said.
Thank you Nina and to the other incredible women who showed up to share, listen and grow our collective wisdom. This path is not easy - but we’re stronger when we walk it together.
Dr Nina Corlett - counselling, aged care and dementia services
Dr Nina Corlett, is an accredited mental health, aged care and dementia professional, and brings over two decades of experience as an educator, counsellor, dementia consultant and aged care chaplain, to Sacred Pathways Counselling and Dementia Services. She offers empathetic understanding and tailored services that meet clients wherever they are. Nina’s qualifications include a Masters in Counselling Practice and a Diploma of Dementia Care and she is an active member and educator for Dementia Doulas International.
Visit Nina’s website: Sacred Pathways Counselling & Dementia Services